Thoughts on Helping Kids Manage Anxiety

I heard a podcast today that will stick with me for a long time to come. Author and researcher, Hillary McBride, was being interviewed about her new book. She does a lot of work around the ideas of anxiety, OCD and self esteem - particularly as they relate to mother/daughter relationships. In the podcast Hillary was speaking about research she’d done for her book that included interviewing mother/daughter pairs about mental health. She quoted a mom who stated, “I want my ceiling to be my daughter’s floor.” Those words resonated deeply with me. I want to do my own work around my anxiety and mental health so that my children can stand on my shoulders and start their journey with more tools, language and resources.

As I’ve navigated a second round of postpartum anxiety this year (more to come on that in a separate post) I’ve been open with my big kids about parts of my story. I want them to see that they are not the only ones who struggle with worries, fears and anxiety. I want them to see me using the same tools I talk to them about — deep breathing and prayer and exercise and self compassion. It’s been a beautiful and humbling process for me to let them see and experience pieces of this journey with me.

If you are navigating raising little people who struggle with anxiety, I’d love to share a few resources. The book, What to do When You Worry Too Much has given us great language around what anxiety can look and feel like. It is ideal for kids 7-10 years of age.

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The book talks about having a set aside “worry time” to talk about concerns/anxieties. This practice has been so helpful for us. I want my kids to feel heard and seen but realistically our life needs to have some structure and rhythm to it. “Worry time” has been key — it helps me to be present with each kid at the end of the day to debrief and listen to them. It has also set some boundaries around that time which has felt helpful and needed. I often hear myself saying things like, “I hear that you’re worried about that and I really want to listen but this isn’t the best time for me. Save that thought and I want to hear all about it at worry time.” It’s helped us all to find balance.

I have a lot of empathy when my kids are feeling anxious because I’ve wrestled with anxiety off and on for my whole life. I also need them to learn that as I’m trying to get out the door to work, I can’t realistically spent 30 minutes addressing an ongoing worry. Worry time has helped us to all feel seen and present.

One of my children in particular often worries about forgetting worries until worry time (the irony of that sentence is not lost on me!). I created a tool to help my kids set aside their thoughts and worries for later in the day. You can click here to read more about the Worry Journal I made to help kids navigate their own anxiety journey.

In honor of National Mental Health Awareness Month I am giving away my Worry Journal for free. You can grab it here to use with children in your life.

Using a journal can help bring a sense of control for kids. They are able to write down what is bothering them and then we can talk about it later on in the day. It brings me more patience because I know that I can address their needs at a time that works better for the whole family. It keeps me from losing my cool when we are talking about the same thing (again!) right as we are trying to out the door.

Included in the Worry Journal is this Calming Strategies sheet. You can print it here for free to use with your kids, students or patients.

It took me thirty years to realize how often I hold my breath when I am anxious. I hope that my children don’t have to wait three decades to learn better breathing techniques! Kids understand an incredible amount of science - much of it is intuitive to them. I often explain to my kids that when we feel worried or nervous, our brains need extra oxygen and that is why we need to breathe deeply. We get to help our brains calm down! You can grab this bundle of deep breathing prompts here for free to use with your students, patients or your own children.

Anxiety is hard for parents and for kids to navigate. I hope these tools ease your burden even the smallest bit. May we have the wisdom and discernment to know how and when to share parts of our stories with our kids. May we have the willingness to ask for help when we need it. May we show compassion to ourselves and to our little people.