Thoughts on Talking to Kids about COVID-19
If they haven’t already, the children in your life will be asking you a lot of questions about Coronavirus. I was asked nearly a dozen complicated questions by my third grade twins tonight alone. We are all navigating this pandemic together as adults. Our children are paying close attention.
I am going to share here some things that I am telling my own children. I want to be clear that I am in no way a child psychologist or pediatrician. There are people far more qualified than myself to address these questions. Let’s all be listening to those people! However, we are all in this together and I am coming at this as a mama and a pediatric nurse. In my current role I do mostly phone triage in a pediatric clinic. This means I have talked with (what feels like) hundreds of families in the last month about this. Here are some of my take home messages.
Children are extremely perceptive. They are picking up on our body language, tone and words. This does not mean we need to pretend or be perfect or hide reality from them. It does mean we need to be mindful and aware of how we are talking and acting around them. Their media exposure right now should be extremely limited. News channels are often driven by fear and our kids don’t need any additional stress around this topic.
We can reassure our children without making false promises. One of my kids asked me today what would happen if she got the virus. I hugged her and told her that we would work together with her doctor to help her body. I told her that either mom or dad or a grandparent (insert caregiver) would be with her the entire time. She would not be alone. None of us can promise our kids that this won’t impact our families directly. However, we can reassure them that the adults in their lives love them and will be advocating for them. We also know that coronavirus appears to have mild symptoms for most children. Share this information with your kids, it really reassured my own kids.
We can educate our kids! Kids love science. They are naturally curious and want to know how things work. Explain to them how viruses pass from person to person. Talk about social distancing. Explain why schools are closed like in real (age appropriate) terms. They understand more than we often realize. If you have access to Netflix, there is a really great StoryBots episode (Season 2, episode 8) all about how viruses spread and the value of washing your hands. It’s worth the watch with your kids!
We can include our children. Talk with them about how they can play a role in stopping the spread! By washing their hands, covering their coughs and staying home, they can help themselves and the people around them stay healthy. Kids love to be included and feel helpful. Emphasize that this does not mean they are responsible if they do get sick. This is a great time to talk about worries we can control and those we cannot. We can control things like washing our hands which helps stop germs. But while this is valuable, it is not the same thing as controlling a virus.
Talk about flexibility. This is one of my favorite topics in general and I am always on the lookout for ways to talk to my kids about practical ways we can be flexible. Never was there a more perfect opportunity for this! With ever-changing schedules and information, be real with your kids about how adults are having to be flexible too. Be honest with them about how this can be hard and frustrating and disappointing. It is valuable for our kids to see us practicing the life skills we talk with them about.
Talk with them about social awareness. Find ways as a family to reach out to people who may be isolated or alone. This can be simple and easy! Can they make cards to mail to grandparents who can’t leave their nursing home? Can they leave juice and crackers on the doorstep of a neighbor who is sick? What small ways can they be aware of the people around them? Model this for your kids. They are paying attention. Many people are especially vulnerable right now.
Talk often with your kids about worries and listen to theirs. Just like our friends, spouses and co-workers, our kids often just need to be heard. It is okay to tell them, “That’s a really good question, I don’t know the answer.” It’s also okay to say nothing at all but just to hug them and offer your presence if they are feeling worried or upset. Normalize for them that it is okay and appropriate to feel worried or anxious right now. Let them know they are not alone in that.
At the end of the day isn’t that what we all want to know? That this is scary, unpredictable and hard but we are not alone? We need one another always. Situations like this bring that reality to light more clearly. Let’s look out for one another. Let’s set the example we want our kids to see.